


How to be a Disaster - by Simon, Baz, Niall, Dev (and sometimes Penny)

by lemmaammel



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay, M/M, Road Trips, omg so gay lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22274386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemmaammel/pseuds/lemmaammel
Summary: “So you’re not gay?”Dev feels like crying. “So what if I am?”Niall looks at him for a minute. “Yeah. So what if you are.” Niall, still clearly drunk, pulls himself back up onto Dev’s lap, turning to face him and wrapping his legs around Dev’s torso. Falling back against the booth, Niall pushes his fingers into Dev’s hair, tightening his grip with his legs.“Wait, Ni,” Dev whimpers. He’s just so confused. He already knows what’s going to happen, Niall won’t remember anything the next morning and Dev will remember everything and it’s just so hard to want something you can’t have and anyway, Niall’s straight. He says so all the time.Now Niall’s staring into his pale blue eyes, making sure this is okay. And it isn’t okay. Nothing about this is okay.But when Niall surges forward and presses their mouths together for just a moment, everything feels okay.- Cute and angsty fic with Snowbaz and Deniall (Dev/Niall) :P
Relationships: Dev & Niall & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Dev/Niall (Simon Snow), Penelope Bunce & Agatha Wellbelove, Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow, Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow & Agatha Wellbelove, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 41
Kudos: 91





	1. From Cherry Scones to Love Actually

“Simon, get off the couch. I’m serious this time.”

Simon reaches out, grabbing for Baz’s arm. Baz lets him, frowning slightly. “Simon, your finals. God, my finals start in an hour. You know that I need to pass. And don’t say that economics can wait, because you know as well as I do that this political climate cannot wait. Even for you.” Simon curls under his blanket, burrowing his head into the couch, his small freckled hand still gripping Baz. Baz stands, gently spreading Simon’s fingers and moving towards the kitchen to make tea. “Bloody hell Simon! You know we have to go! I swear, sometimes I wonder how the chosen one was chosen!”

Golden curls peek out from the blanket, followed by a small rounded nose and soft blue eyes. “Baz, you chose me.” 

“I guess I did.” Sighing, and wishing for what must be the millionth time that he was strong enough to ignore the small blond boy in the blanket, Baz leaves his tea on the counter and walks back to the couch. This time, when a small hand emerges from the blanket, Baz moves the hand to his and wraps his arms around the bundle. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

Baz slowly pushes himself off the couch, but leaves their hands entangled, pulling Simon up with him. Simon clings to him, wrapping his arms around Baz’s chest, and Baz just smiles, walking over to the counter to grab his tea. Simon, still with his eyes closed, reaches out and grabs the cup, letting the tea warm him up. “Baz, why did they choose me?”

“I don’t know why they chose you. I don’t really know if it was a choice.”

“I wouldn’t have chosen me.” 

“I would have. Simon, you may be a bloody scone-loving idiot, but I love you.”

“You do?”

Baz looks at Simon, and Simon finally opens his eyes, looking up to meet his gaze. “Yeah Simon, I think I do. I guess the political climate can wait for you.” Simon smiles and runs back to the couch, tugging Baz with him. “Fine. But only for a few minutes.”

“Baz, I’m only a few minutes more important than the political climate?”

Baz doesn’t respond, sighing and wrapping his arms around Simon. A few minutes pass, and Baz says, “I’ve been deliberating. You’re around 1897 seconds more important.” 

Simon just giggles and wraps the blanket around them.

Baz is late to his finals, but he walks in smiling.

~~~~~~ (time skip to later that day)~~~~~~

When Baz gets home, he’s exhausted. He’s never really liked economy, and he’s convinced that the entire bloody parliament is screwing up the world, which didn’t impress his political science teacher. It hasn’t been a good day. He crawls onto his bed, turning up the heat on the way (vampires aren’t meant for snow in England), and opens his phone to find that Fiona has sent him a flurry of texts. It really hasn’t been a good day.

He opens the group chat with Penny and Simon, and sees a picture of them. They’re in the kitchen making scones and it’s snowing outside and honestly Baz can almost feel the heat radiating from the oven. Simon’s cheeks are flushed a soft pink and he’s smiling at Penny who seems to have cherry jelly on her nose. She’s holding a spoon and if it weren’t for the smile Baz would’ve been worried that she was going to hit Simon with it.

A chain of texts follows the picture:

SimonScone: baz im making scones  
Quarter: baz im making scones  
Quarter: simon is being simon 

Baz stifles a laugh, and pulls the blanket around him.

SimonScone: baz defend me  
Quarter: actually baz if u wanna come over u should  
SimonScone: wait wait wait  
SimonScone: i see what’s happening  
SimonScone: baz ur not gonna defend me  
SimonScone: u and penny r conspiring  
SimonScone: literally dating u was the worst mistake of my life  
SimonScone: now penny outnumbers me

Baz laughs.

Mint: Penny, I think Simon is suggesting that you get an idiot boyfriend so he feels represented.  
SimonScone: yeah!  
Quarter: lol simon hes basically calling u an idiot  
Mint: I would never.  
SimonScone: yeah baz would never  
Mint: You really are an idiot, aren’t you.  
SimonScone: wow that “never” lasted like two seconds  
Quarter: lol  
Quarter: also baz y is my name quarter  
[Mint changed Quarter to Dime]  
Dime: whatever  
SimonScone: well idc what u say but ily baz <3  
Dime: ew

Baz checks the time. 5:50. Grabbing his laptop, he opens it up to see an essay waiting for him. It’s about socialist political systems, which is honestly pretty fascinating, but he’s still kind of upset, and although learning about corruption within political systems is appealing, he shuts the laptop off and hops out of bed. Making scones with Simon and Penny is more appealing.

He drags himself out of bed, slips into his long black woolen coat, the one with the buttons, grabs a teal silk scarf Fiona had left, and puts on his favorite pair of boots. Glaring at the falling snow, he opens the door and leaves his small flat.

By the time he reaches Penny and Simon’s flat, he’s freezing, water has soaked through his boots, and he’s wishing he was back at home.

When he opens the door, warm air smelling of fresh cherry scones seeps out and a boy with golden curls flings himself into Baz’s arms.

“Penny! Penny Penny Penny! Baz is here!” 

“What?” Penny calls.

“Simon I’m freezing. Can I please come inside?”

Simon lets go of Baz and runs into the flat, yelling something to Penny that Baz can’t fully hear. He hears Penny mumble something back, but her voice is interrupted by the jarring beep of the fire alarm.

“Penny?”

“Not now Baz! The scones are burning!” Simon responds.

Baz smiles to himself, walking in to meet Penny in the kitchen. Simon appears behind the counter, frantically waving a tray of what appears to be burnt scones.

~~~~~~ (time skip to that night)~~~~~~

“Nice scones Pen,” Baz chortles, once they’re all settled on the couch, rewatching Love Actually. 

“Nice personality Baz.”

“Nice comeback Penny.”

“Hypocrite.”

“Shhh! I’m trying to watch!” Simon says, eyes glued to the screen.

“Si, we’ve watched this a million times.”

"The point of rewatching movies is to talk over them.”

“But Pen, it’s Love Actually! It’s like… it’s like a classic. Like the Jane Eyre of cinema!” Simon cries, sitting up from his position against Baz’s chest. That’s the thing about Simon Snow. He may be the lovable, sort of clueless hero, but he won’t hesitate to fight. Baz almost feels as though nothing has changed since Simon lost his magic; Simon’s still the same explosive ball of light. And it’s still so hard to be around fire when you can’t seem to get warm.

“Simon, I’m impressed that you know about Jane Eyre, but the only similarity between it and Love Actually is the poor female representation and complete lack of empowerment. And Simon, heteronormativity?” Baz responds, shifting to face Simon.

“Maybe all the people were actually straight Baz. You can’t make people gay. Who are you to tell Mark that he has to like guys?”

“These are fictional characters. Representation isn’t about forcing people into certain identities. It’s about creating a diverse array of characters that reflects identities in the actual world. If media lacks representation we’ll never be able to normalize our community.”

“Well I support Mark. If Mark knows he’s straight, I’m not going to tell him otherwise.”

Penny sighs, and looks at Baz, who’s shifting again, but away from Simon. “Si, you were right, we should just stop talking and just watch the movie.”

It’s Simon’s favorite scene now, the one with Jamie and Aurelia, but Baz wants to leave. He’s never really liked this movie, and Simon’s at the other end of the couch, and honestly, he doesn’t know what to think about Simon at this point. He knows Penny would say that he’s making this into a much bigger deal then it is, but he also knows that he wishes that there would have been more gay representation when he was younger. And he wishes that Simon saw that.

And it’s not just that Simon disagrees about this movie. That would be fine. But it almost seems like Simon doesn’t like the idea of being gay. He never has. And Simon’s always so… so unreadable.

That’s why Baz pushes himself off the couch, slips into his coat, and moves towards the door. Penny doesn’t even look up from the movie. He knows she understands. Penny seems to always understand. Baz makes a mental note to text her later. He’s almost at the door, ready to be done with this bloody day, when he hears a small voice.

“Baz?”

And of course, it’s Simon. And as always, Baz finds it impossible to say no to Simon, even if it’s been a bloody awful day, and even if Simon’s being confusing.

“Yeah?”

Simon waits a moment before responding, hesitating for just a bit too long. “Nevermind.”

Even though every step takes him farther away from the memory of laughter and burnt cherry scones, Baz walks out of the flat and into the snow.

~~~~~~(later that night)~~~~~~

Baz isn’t crying. He wants to cry, but he isn’t crying. When he gets home, he kicks off his boots, his favorite boots, and curls up in his bed, pulling out his phone. Penny’s already texted him, so he checks that message.

PenAndPaper: hey baz  
PenAndPaper: simons sad  
PenAndPaper: im sad  
PenAndPaper: we miss u

He loves Penny, loves that she sent him a message. He doesn’t care, but Simon hasn’t sent him a message. He checks again. No messages from Simon. Okay, maybe he cares a little. 

Bazzy: Pen, it’s been like 20 minutes.  
PenAndPaper: simons crying  
Bazzy: Oh.  
PenAndPaper: its not ur fault or anything tho  
Bazzy: I know it’s my fault, Penny.  
PenAndPaper: u dont regret it tho  
Bazzy: It sounds bloody immature, but I really wanted him to agree with me.  
Bazzy: Just this once.  
PenAndPaper: i kno  
PenAndPaper: he needs to find himself  
Bazzy: Pen, there’s a difference between needing to find yourself and being lost.  
Bazzy: If you just need to find yourself at least you know what to look for.  
PenAndPaper: idk i dont think ur being fair  
PenAndPaper: i love u baz but u cant tell simon what he is  
PenAndPaper: i think he feels like mark sometimes  
Bazzy: Straight?  
PenAndPaper: god no  
PenAndPaper: i just dont think that simons ready to be found  
PenAndPaper: and baz? u cant tell simon who he is  
PenAndPaper: its not ur job to find him

Baz turns off his phone. It’s nice that Penny texted him, but this isn’t Penny’s business. She just doesn’t know what it’s like, and it’s not her fault that she’s straight. It’s just that she’s never had to come out and he can’t imagine Penny ever not being sure of herself. He hears his phone ding, picking it up and swiping through the lock screen. It’s Simon.

Sigh: ily

Baz is about to turn off his phone again, because he’s still mad and “ily” isn’t an apology, but he knows that Penny’s right. She’s always right, and it’s times like this where he hates it. Simon is lost, and there’s nothing that Baz hates more than being lost (other than sunlight of course). So it’s really thanks to Penny that he decides to respond.

Baz: Yeah. Me too.  
Sigh: u love urself?  
Baz: No, you numpty. I love you too.  
Sigh: i love u  
Baz: Simon, you already said that.  
Sigh: yeah but it was an abbreviation  
Sigh: this feels like a time when i should spell it out


	2. In Deniall

Waking up, Baz smells warm tea. Peppermint, Penny’s favorite. When he walks out of his room, he sees Penny and Simon in the kitchen, arguing over a tea bag.

“But Penny, Baz likes green tea! You like peppermint, not him!”

“Yeah I do like peppermint, and yes Simon, I’m going to make peppermint.”

Baz walks over and hugs Penny. “Pen, you make whatever tea you want to make. It’s a free world.”

Penny frowns and punches him and it kind of hurts, but Baz keeps hugging her. “Shut up Baz.”

Looking over at Baz’s arms wrapped around Penny, Simon walks over and wraps his smaller arms around both of them. “Hey, no hugging without me.” He smiles and lets go, handing Baz a cup of peppermint, “for the record, I know you prefer green.”

Penny keeps her hands around Baz, “yeah but I knew you preferred green but I prefer peppermint.”

After shoving Penny, Baz looks over at Simon, who is busy looking through his pantry for food. It’s just so hard. It’s just so hard to be around Simon. And Baz knows that it’s not Simon’s fault, he knows that, but it’s just so hard. Looking back, it was probably a bad idea to let Simon kiss him in the forest, even though he doesn’t know if he had another option. He hasn’t kissed Simon in over a month. He looks at Simon again, looks at Simon’s golden curls and blue blue eyes. Simon really is the sun.

So that’s why Baz breaks up with him that day, with Simon crying and Baz not crying, because if Baz cries it’ll all be too real. Baz is doing this for him, doing this so Simon has time to find himself. He knows that he’s doing the right thing, but that doesn’t explain why it feels so wrong, or why Baz really feels like crying. Penny’s upset too. She’s mad at Baz, saying that “I didn’t mean that you should break up with him you bloody numpty! I hate this. I hate everyone being upset. Baz, don’t always just think about yourself!” But Baz isn’t thinking about himself. It’s as if Penny thinks that this is making him happy, and that he wanted to break up with Simon. No, he’s doing this for Simon, because it’s so clear that Simon wants to and he knows that Simon can’t.

Simon’s been texting him. He hasn’t been reading them. Reading them would make all of this so much worse. Baz is 21, his birthday has already passed, and he can deal with all this even without Penny and Simon.

Devil: ayyy bazzy  
Niall: ayyyy bazzy  
Niall: hows simon  
Devil: shut tf up niall  
Devil: sorry baz ily  
Niall: yeh sorry baz i do too lolllll gayyyy  
Devil: niall there’s nothing wrong with gay  
Devil: so u do need to shut tf up  
Niall: chill its fine  
Devil: whatever  
Niall: dev im sorry lol  
Niall: if i didnt know u better  
Niall: i would think u were gay  
Niall: ur so defensive

Baz sighs. Dev had come out to Baz earlier that year, and he knew Dev didn’t want to tell Niall.

~~~~~~(one month later)~~~~~~

Devil: hey bazzy  
Devil: niall and i are going clubbing tonight  
Niall: join?  
Baz: Are you both going to ditch me again?  
Baz: Because I’m not driving you both home if you end up making out in the bathroom like last time.  
Niall: shut up baz  
Niall: that never happened lol  
Baz: I literally had to come in to pull you both apart.  
Baz: But whatever.  
Niall: well no ofc we wont make our  
Niall: thats gay baz  
Baz: It definitely is Niall.  
Niall: baz im not gay tho  
Baz: Niall, you made out with Dev in a bathroom.  
Devil: can you both shut up  
Niall: but baz i was drunk and dev was hot  
Devil: niall shut tf up  
Baz: Hmm, Dev was hot?  
Niall: baz i was drunk  
Baz: You were perfectly sober when you called Dev hot.  
Niall: he was hot!  
Niall: like objectively  
Niall: not in a gay way  
Devil: niall istg ill kill u if u dont shut up  
Baz: Interesting…  
Devil: no no not interesting  
Devil: can we just go

Baz meets up with Dev and Niall outside a bar downtown. Niall already seems to be drunk, leaning against Dev who is blushing furiously, his pink cheeks framed by upswept thick black hair. Niall grabs Dev’s arm, swaying slightly, saying far too loud for 12pm, “Bazzy! Good night!” He falls into Dev’s side, laughing so hard he's barely able to catch his breath.

Baz ignores the pair and walks into the bar, Dev and Niall slipping through the doors behind him with Dev pulling away from Niall who's grabbing at his coat. “Okay. I’m going to go get a drink, Dev, you’re in charge.”

“Baz! Don’t leave me with him!” Dev looks at him desperately, still trying to shove Niall off of him, but Baz just laughs, walking away.

~~~~~~(later that night)~~~~~~  
~~~~~~(Dev’s perspective)~~~~~~

Niall’s out dancing, and as always, Dev is sitting at a small dark booth at the back, just watching him. He spots Niall’s fire red hair moving through the crowd, the redhead grinding against every living thing that passes. Niall’s clearly drunk, but Dev knows that he won’t care the day after, he’ll just moan about his hangover. So Dev sits in the corner, watching. He’s only waiting a few minutes before a boy comes up to his booth and sits down. He looks to be around the same age as Dev, and honestly, he’s not bad looking. The boy smiles, extending his hand, “Hey, I’m Andrew, nice to meet you.”

“Hey,” he responds. “I’m Dev.”

The boy seems really nice, and he seems to like Dev, and Dev’s willing to kiss anyone who will get his mind off of the red headed boy dancing in the center of the room, so he doesn’t say anything when the boy starts shifting closer. He does wish he had something to drink though, something to take the nervous edge off of talking to a cute boy, and really, it’ll take more to tear his gaze away from Niall.

Somehow he manages to focus on the cute boy, Andrew, so he flinches in surprise when a boy flings himself into Dev’s arms. 

It’s Niall, smelling of alchahol and something distinctly his own. Dev loves Niall, but he hates this part, the part where Niall’s has fun and partied and Dev has to clean up the mess. As Niall wraps his arms around Dev’s neck, Andrew frowns, asking, “Wait, is he your boyfriend?” 

This reduces Dev to a blushing spluttering mess, and despite how often it happens, he can’t seem to respond. Niall, on the other hand, has no problem answering. “Yeah. Who are you?” And he says it with such force that Dev knows he’s not going to be kissing the cute boy who isn’t Niall (not like he cares) tonight. The boy holds up his hands and leaves, and Dev forces his blush to go down and shoves Niall off of him.

“Ni, I love you, but what was that? We’re not dating.”

Suddenly, Niall seems embarrassed, which seems so completely unlike him. He whispers, “yeah but Dev, that guy was totally into you.”

“So?”

“So you’re not gay?”

Dev feels like crying. “So what if I am?”

Niall looks at him for a minute. “Yeah. So what if you are.” Niall, still clearly drunk, pulls himself back up onto Dev’s lap, turning to face him and wrapping his legs around Dev’s torso. Falling back against the booth, Niall pushes his fingers into Dev’s hair, tightening his grip with his legs.

“Wait, Ni,” Dev whimpers. He’s just so confused. He already knows what’s going to happen, Niall won’t remember anything the next morning and Dev will remember everything and it’s just so hard to want something you can’t have and anyway, Niall’s straight. He says so all the time.

Now Niall’s staring into his pale blue eyes, making sure this is okay. And it isn’t okay. Nothing about this is okay.

But when Niall surges forward and presses their mouths together everything feels okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo :D I was wondering, if anyone's reading this, first off thanks! And second, do you want more Deniall or is that just me? :P


	3. Baz on Wearing Sunglasses Indoors

Baz has lost Dev and Niall. Honestly, he’s sort of finished with them. He’s known Dev forever, and he can’t help but want to protect him. Dev’s always been the type to need protecting, and although Simon and Penny (Baz clearly never thinks about them) always told him that he needs to be nicer to his friends, he’s always been the one to protect Dev. He knows Dev is in love with Niall; it doesn’t seem like anyone could not know, apart from Niall. 

Baz doesn’t actually know if Niall’s straight, and really, he doesn’t care. The issue isn’t that Dev and Niall’s relationship is impossible, the problem is that Niall keeps hinting that it could be. Niall’s just one of those people that lights up a room and makes everyone look. It’s not just that he’s attractive, which he is, but it’s his confidence. He wants people to look, and they do. Niall’s one of those people who can just look at you and make you feel like you’re the only person he cares about, but he’s also one of those people who can turn away in seconds. 

And if Niall really is straight, he’s one of those straight boys that love flirting with other boys. He’s always hanging off of Dev, always touching, laughing, flirting. Baz really hopes Niall knows what he’s doing, because he can’t deal with more heartbreak. He’s already lost two of his best friends. 

Glaring at the bartender for wearing sunglasses indoors like an asshole (yes, Baz has done this, but he’s done it with class), he leaves the bar and scans the room for a redheaded boy. When Niall’s nowhere to be seen, he sighs and opens his phone.

Baz: Where tf are you two?  
Baz: I’m literally waiting next to a guy wearing sunglasses indoors.  
Baz: I will not be subjected to this torture.

After waiting 10 minutes without a response, Baz is considering just leaving them there and calling in the morning, but he knows that Niall’s drunk, and he knows how much Dev hates dealing with drunk Niall, so he decides to find them (see Penny and Simon, he’s an amazing friend). 

When he finds them he wishes he had just gone home. They’re in the back and Baz can safely say that he was right: Niall is definitely drunk. Dev is pressed up against a wall, his legs wrapped tightly around Niall’s torso, with Niall’s hands resting on the wall above Dev’s head. They’re kissing. No, they’re making out. And it’s disgusting.

“Dev? Niall?”  
Niall completely ignores him, continuing to shove his tongue down Dev’s throat, but Dev pulls away, letting go of Niall, but not moving from his position between Niall and the wall. Baz thought it impossible, but Dev’s face flushes yet a shade darker. Niall frowns, reaching towards Dev, “Go away, Baz. We’re busy.” It’s too late.

“No, we’re not. We were just going to find you, right Niall?” Dev has already stepped away from the wall, stepping behind Baz. Dev’s voice is too clear though, not slurred like Niall’s, and Baz already knows. Dev isn’t drunk, which means he’ll have to deal with the mess. Baz steps even further between them and grabs Niall’s arm, dragging him through the crowd and to the door. He knows he’s being harsh, but he loves Dev and Dev’s already started to bloody cry. 

~~~~~~(at Baz’s flat)~~~~~~

Baz has brought them both back to his flat, and now both Dev and Niall are crying, and honestly, Baz is about to cry if they can’t shut up because he just wants to go to sleep and pretend that his whole bloody life isn’t falling apart (and no, he isn’t being dramatic, Baz is never dramatic). He knows he can’t just drop them off at their shared flat, but every second just leaving them is becoming more appealing.

Baz walks into the living room and turns on Frozen (which is honestly so much better than Love Actually and has a killer soundtrack; Baz listens to it monthly), motioning for the still crying Dev and Niall to follow. He needs tea desperately, so he leaves them and goes to the kitchen.

When he comes back into the living room, Elsa being the independent queen that she is, nobody’s crying, and Niall’s fallen asleep on Dev’s shoulder. Baz points at Niall and frowns, but Dev only motions for Baz to be quiet and continues watching the movie. Baz shrugs and leaves them alone, opting to not question it and just try to get some rest.

~~~~~~(the next morning)~~~~~~

When Baz wakes up the house is silent. Checking his phone, he sees that it’s already 12 and more importantly, that Penny’s texted him.

PenAndPaper: heyo baz? im going to cali to visit agatha for her bday  
PenAndPaper: do u wanna join? deniall can come too lol

Agatha actually was the first person that he came out to, that day in the forest. Of course Agatha didn’t know that he was madly in love with her boyfriend, but she knew he way gay. And for teen Baz, that was enough, just somebody knowing was enough. Agatha was the one he always talked about boys with and she was the only person who never forgot his birthday. As small as a birthday might be, it sucks to feel forgotten.

Bazzy: Is Simon coming?  
PenAndPaper: agatha is already looking forward to seeing us!  
Bazzy: Pen, is Simon coming?  
PenAndPaper: ive really missed u bazzy  
PenAndPaper: im just so excited  
PenAndPaper: agathaaaaaaaaaa  
Bazzy: Penny. Is Simon coming?

There’s no response. Baz pulls himself out of bed and walks into the living room. The TV’s off, and Niall and Dev are both on the floor. Somehow, Niall’s managed to turn himself so he’s perpendicular to Dev, his head on Dev’s chest. Again, Baz doesn’t know how Niall manages to do it, but all three of the blankets Baz had laid out for them are covering Niall, swathing him in thick cloth.

Niall’s eyes squint open as he adjusts to the light. “My headddddd…” he moans, clutching the sides of his face. “Devvvvv my headdddddd…” Dev rolls over and pushes his head into the pillow, blocking out Niall’s cries, but Niall will not be ignored. He flops himself on top of Dev, pushing him into the floor. Dev flinches, but still doesn’t move. 

“I hate you, Niall.”

“Love you too, Dev! Hey you know what? If you get up with me, I’ll make pancakes! Rainbow ones!” And with that, Niall’s back, his hangover completely forgotten, replaced with the idea of rainbow pancakes.

“Niall, it’s my kitchen. You’re going to have to clean everything up.”

“But whenever Simon and Penny came over you let them do whatever!”

“Is your name Simon? Is your name Penny? I don’t think so.”

Dev tries to sit up, struggling against the weight of Niall. “Niall, I can clean it up. It’s fine. Make whatever pancakes you want.” Dev still looks tired, but he’s less upset then Baz was imagining, so Baz counts it as a win. Niall smiles and wraps his arms around Dev, who frowns but returns the hug.

Baz feels his phone vibrate. It’s Penny.

PenAndPaper: no simons not coming  
Bazzy: Okay. We’re in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might add more to this chapter later. Also, sorry if it's unedited :P


	4. The Group Chat

~~~~~~(Dev’s perspective)~~~~~~

(Penny has created a group chat)  
(Leafy has been added)  
(Dev has been added)  
(Niall has been added)

Leafy: Penny! Why am I the only one with an awful name?  
Penny: oh good point  
(Penny changed Niall to idiot)  
idiot: this is completely unfair  
idiot: why not devvvv  
Penny: i like dev  
Leafy: Don’t worry, Niall definitely likes Dev too ;)  
idiot: shut up leaf  
Leafy: Niall, your name is literally idiot.  
Leafy: Don’t go there.  
Dev: at least nialls name makes sense  
Penny: yeah baz at least niall really is an idiot  
Dev: wait sorry ni thats not what i meant  
idiot: ok let me just say a leaf has less of a brain  
Leafy: I’m a classy, whimsical leaf though.  
Leafy: I dance in the wind.  
Penny: this is so stupid  
Leafy: You know what’s really stupid?  
Leafy: Niall! He’s an idiot!  
Penny: okayyy so are you all coming to Cali with me?  
idiot: yessss road trippppp  
Leafy: I guess, yeah. It’s summer anyway.  
Dev: um idk pen  
idiot: pls pls pls  
Dev: fine

Dev is making pancakes with Niall, and Niall wants them to be rainbow. Dev knows that it’s not going to work, but Niall’s so excited and all the food coloring is already out, so Dev just pulls up a stool to watch.

Niall is bouncing around the kitchen, grabbing what Dev thinks must be every ingredient in the entire house. Niall’s an awful cook, but Dev doesn’t have the heart to tell him. He’ll just eat the pancakes, it’s not a big deal. Niall’s humming and the light is filtering into the room in a beautiful way, and Dev feels so content. Niall’s his best friend. He loves Niall. It doesn’t need to be like that for him to love Niall. He knows that Baz is worried about him, that Baz thinks that’s he’s upset, but as he runs his hand through his raven black hair, he feels content. He’s content with friendship, and he really doesn’t want to force Niall into anything. He’s just not one of those people.

As Niall hurries around the room, throwing flour and sugar into the small pink bowl, Dev gets up and joins Niall in the kitchen, opening his phone and looking up a pancake recipe. “Hey Ni? Your pancakes look great, but maybe we could try like using a recipe?”

“But these are unicorn pancakes! They’ll turn out great, I promise. People doubted that sheep could be cloned, but look at Dolly! Don’t tell me that you’re a sheep doubter!”

“Of course not. You know that I love and support Dolly. I followed her journey with you!” Dev picks up the batter and dumps it in the trash. “Oops?”

Niall glares at him, but takes the phone from Dev and looks at the recipe. “3 cups of flower and only a ½ cup of sugar? Who do they take me for a fool?”

Dev looks at him and frowns. “You’re no fool, Niall.”

“This means war! We have to petition Betty to change it!”

“Sure. But first, why don’t we just make pancakes. We can use as much sugar as you want. Betty can wait.”

“Dev, Betty must be like 80 by now! This cannot bloody wait! She’s like on her deathbed! We need to go now!”

“Shhh. That’s so rude, she’s just a older women who likes less sugary pancakes.”

“It’s not like she can hear me.”

“Yeah but you’re planning an attack. I’m assuming she’ll be able to hear you when you storm into her house.”

“Okay fine. Betty can live in misery with plain pancakes.”

So Dev makes the pancakes and Niall watches and occasionally Niall tries to eat the batter and Dev tries to stop him. It works for them, Niall sitting on the kitchen counter and Dev making the pancakes.

Once the batter’s done, Niall pours in food coloring to make a rainbow tie die pattern and they get cooked into brownish blobs. Niall’s happy though, so Dev’s happy. And Niall helps him clean everything up so Baz doesn’t panic, which makes everything that much better.

idiot: pen u should see our pancakes  
(idiot has sent a picture)  
Penny: um ok  
Baz: You idiots better have cleaned my kitchen.  
Dev: hey… “idiots”? i only see one  
idiot: i hate all of u  
idiot: and u dev  
idiot: we were gonna murder Betty togther  
idiot: now i dont know what think  
idiot: who to trust   
Baz: Just make sure the kitchen is clean.  
Baz: And if we’re murdering Betty, I’m in.  
Penny: baz dont support their insanity  
Baz: I don’t even know who she is, but she sounds awful. Her name is Betty. Betty’s are like Karen’s. They can’t be trusted.  
Penny: hey its not her fault its not like she chose her name  
Baz: All I know is that if I were named Betty I would legally change it as soon as I could.  
Dev: watever  
Penny: *whatever  
Baz: Says the person who knows no capitalization or punctuation.  
Penny: first off, u thats not a complete sentence baz  
Penny: second its an artistic choice the lack of punctuation is my aesthetic  
Baz: The “I’m an idiot and didn’t pay attention in English” aesthetic  
idiot: honestly me  
Baz: Niall, we’ve already established that you’re an idiot.  
Penny: lol  
idiot: shut up  
idiot: its not even funny anymore  
Penny: simon must think its bloody hilarious  
Penny: bc he was reading over my shoulder and hes basically dying  
idiot: simon always laughs at bazs jokes tho that doesnt count  
Dev: lol relationship goals  
Baz: Shut, Dev. Why don’t we talk about how you’re in love with a straight boy?  
idiot: who?  
Penny: lol he lives up to his name  
Penny: and baz chill lol 

Dev looks up from his phone over to Niall, who’s hanging off of the back of the couch. He decides to ignore Baz’s comment, Niall’s obviously oblivious, and Baz was clearly upset about the mention of Simon, and he understands. He really does. “Ni?”

“Yeah?”

“You know how Baz still loves Simon? And you know how Baz has been so sad and mean?”

“I mean, he did let us crash here, but yeah?”

“Well, I say we make a plan to get them back together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you like the texting scenes or if you prefer just normal narrative! :D


	5. The Plane, Another Kiss, and Simon

Penny: heyo  
Penny: where r u guys  
Penny: im at the terminal waiting lol  
Penny: love u lol  
Penny: seriously tho ur coming

Baz rolls his eyes at Penny’s text, but quickly texts her to say that they’re coming. He’s already regretting this trip to see Agatha, even if he loves her, because Dev cannot seem to shut up. It’s hard to believe that he’s even related to Dev, as he would never be caught dead crying about a bloody plane flight. Currently, Dev is close to tears and Niall’s not helping, which he’s come to expect.

“Baz, do you even know the number of plane related accidents?” Dev questions.

“Dev, if you don’t shut up the plane won’t be what kills you. And if you’re referring peeing yourself out of fear when you say plane related accidents, I think that the number’s going up as we speak.”

“I’m not going to pee myself. Baz, I’m being completely serious,” Dev whines.

Ever so helpful, Niall opens up his phone and types something in. “Okay, so Dev, there are around 500 plane fatalities per year… Oof, this year is particularly bad…” Baz glares at Niall, and Niall takes the hint. “Wow. What are the chances? Dev, I was looking at… at… umm… crane related fatalities! What a coincidence!”

“We’ll be fine, Dev,” Baz sighs, completely exasperated. Honestly, he doesn’t want to know what goes on inside Niall’s head, and more than that, he doesn’t want to know what a crane related fatalities is. Dev shakes his head and crumples into Niall, who looks at Baz, shaking his head wildly, clearly asking for help. Baz rolls his eyes for what must be the second time in the last 10 minutes, and walks towards security. 

They trail behind him, and he hears Niall whispering to Dev, “Hey, Dev? I’ll protect you. I know that I’m not the strongest, and I know that I’m not the smartest, but I’ll protect you.”

~~~~~~(after security)~~~~~~

Baz is just so tired and so done with both Dev and Niall, especially after Niall starts to explain that a crane accident is an accident where “people like mess up with origami and spill lemonade and it gets nasty like Baz have you ever got a lemon in a papercut now imagine the lemon paper cut but like instead of the paper cut its a mauling by a paper crane”. At this point, he just wants to stop at an airport Starbucks, get overpriced tea (he would never stoop so low as coffee), and forget about this entire thing. 

Finally, after picking up his iced tea and complaining about the price (honestly half the point of buying tea from Starbucks is to complain about the price; yes complaining is an art form) he finds Penny. She’s sitting by their gate, and he sees an all-too-familiar head overflowing with golden curls seated next to her. Both of them are facing away from Baz, so he knows he still has the chance to leave.

“Hey Penny!” Niall calls, causing Penny to turn and look. Simon doesn’t turn, just continues to stare down at his phone and ignore Baz. Well, if that’s how it’s going to be, Baz isn’t going to complain. 

Penny looks at him apologetically. “Surprize?” she offers weakly.

“Pen. A surprize implies that it’s something good.”

“Well nice to see you too.” Simon still doesn’t look up from his phone, but his frown seems to deepen. “I thought you had stopped being mean, but I guess people never change. Once a monster, always a monster.”

Baz cringes, and now he’s the one close to tears. He can’t do this now, can’t do this here, with everyone watching, and he can’t help revert back to his Watford years. Being mean to Simon feels safe, he’s been doing it for years. He knows how to do this, being mean. It seems so much harder to be nice, but everything has always been hard with Simon. “Simon, you’re not being fair.”

“It’s not like I broke up with you. You don’t get to be hurt.” Simon still isn’t crying, and Simon is always the one who cries. Instead, Simon gets up and leaves. They all just stand there for a moment, still, not moving. As always, it’s Niall, still clinging to Dev’s arm, who breaks the silence.

“Um… So me and Dev -”

“Dev and I,” Baz and Penny correct together.”

“Yeah, so me and Dev were wondering if maybe we could take one of the pairs of seats next to each other?”

“Yeah. Sure. I’ll go with Simon. Baz, you can take the single seat.”

Baz still isn’t sure he wants to go at all, but he takes a ticket from Penny and gives her a small smile. “Thanks.”

“Of course. And Baz, Simon’ll come around. He always does.”

He doesn’t tell her, but Baz isn’t sure if he’ll ever be able to come around, let alone Simon. They never really worked, anyway. You don’t always get what you want, Baz knows that for sure. As he sees Niall sit on Dev’s lap, whispering something in his ear that Dev seems to find funny, Baz feels a sting of jealousy. 

On the other hand, it was probably something about crane accidents.

~~~~~~(Dev’s perspective)~~~~~~

Dev hates planes. He’s never actually been on one, but he knows that he hates the idea of them. They just don’t make sense; something over 300 tons shouldn’t be allowed in the air. Thinking about it, Dev should make a list of the things that he hates, because he hates always having to be comforted. Of course, he loves holding Niall’s hand, and he loves hugs from Niall, and he loves all of the attention, but it’s embarrassing. He’s never had to hold Niall’s hand. It’s just so unfair. Niall’s never scared, and he seems to be scared of everything.

When they get to their seats, Dev is close to hyperventilating. Niall still hasn’t let go of his hand and keeps telling him to take deep breaths, but it isn’t working. Then, Niall does something crazy. Hesitating for a second, a subtle flush blooming on his pale cheeks, Niall leans over and presses his mouth to Dev’s so gently Dev can hardly feel it, gently asking for an invitation. His lips are so soft and so gentle and they feel so much like Niall that Dec starts to cry softly. The kiss gets Dev to shut up, but just as Niall starts to push his way into his mouth, still so gently, Dev pulls away, upset and still crying.

“I’m not something to pity, Niall.”

Niall’s blushing, which is so unusual for Niall, but he still manages to respond. “I know!”

“Don’t kiss people when you don’t mean it.”

“But-”

Dev interrupts him, tears still streaming down his cheeks. “It’s okay. It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it.”

“Dev-”

“Ni, it’s okay. Just don’t.” Dev turns away and closes his eyes. Niall didn’t mean it, and he forgives Niall. Niall is just one of those people. As the flight attendant comes out to start giving information, Dev tries to concentrate on the feeling of his best friend’s hand on his. Through the soft kiss, he had never let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And if anyone has any ideas or suggestions for future chapters, let me know. I have some ideas ;) but anything is awesome and will be used. You all are the best ily!!!


	6. Sometimes it's Harder to Remember

Baz kind of hates Penny, but at the same time, he’s kind of thankful. He’ll always love Simon, he’s known that since Watford, and even though it’s so hard to be around Simon, and even though he knows that Simon hates him (Simon’s always hated him) he has never wanted Simon to leave. Maybe that’s his problem; he always walks into fire. Fiona always tells Baz that one day, he’s going to walk too deep and get burned, but Baz is already burning. He’s can’t seem to get warm, but everything always seems to be burning down around him. Ironic, isn't it.

Baz supposes that’s why he’s always loved fire. Everything is always burning and it seems that nothing can put it out. Sometimes, that spark flickering between his fingers is the only thing that he knows how to extinguish, when everything seems so bright and so alive (which is Simon most days, and yes, Simon is everything). In a world that seems to be on fire, that one flame is the only thing he can control.

Penny would say he’s being over dramatic as always, and Fiona would say he’s just having difficulty transitioning out of his emo phase. Fiona doesn’t know how true her teasing is, when she says that it’s pathetic how he mopes around, pathetic that he can’t get over Snow. Maybe Fiona’s right. 

He looks around for Dev and Niall but his eyes land on Simon, sitting in the seat across from Baz and two rows up, staring right at him. It feels like Watford all over again when Simon quickly turns away acting as if Baz didn’t just catch him. At this point, Baz wouldn’t be surprised if Simon accused him of plotting. 

He opens his phone and finds Simon’s number. 

Baz: Snow, I know that I’m unbearingly attractive, but hasn’t anyone told you that it’s rude to stare?  
Simon: shut up

Baz knows that he should just stop, mocking Simon’s never got him anywhere, but he almost can’t help himself. This is just so familiar and no matter how messed up it is, falling back into this rhythm is comfortable, in a horribly uncomfortable sort of way 

Baz: Still so eloquent, I see.  
Simon: baz why cant u ever be nice  
Simon: will u ever stop hurting me  
Baz: Welcome to the real world, Snow.  
Baz: Life never stops hurting.  
Simon: can u please get over ur stupid teenage phase  
Simon: that was pen  
Simon: but baz, please just stop hurting me  
Simon: ur acting like ive never been hurt before  
Baz: Snow, you just hurt yourself.  
Baz: Stop blaming others when you shut them out.  
Simon: whatever  
Simon: i kno u dont care  
Simon: but its not like u ever did

Baz doesn’t like fighting with Simon but he can’t imagine ever kissing Simon now and anyway, fighting is almost calming. He’s fought Simon so much he hardly needs to think about it anymore. But never like this. Never when it mattered.

He’s still in love with Simon, but these fights seem so much more real, so much more real now that he knows what Simon tastes like and now that he knows how close Simon once let him get. It’s almost as if he could reach out and grab Simon back and let himself be hugged. These fights are so much more real because he has something to lose. He’s fighting for something in a way he wasn’t before, even if he doesn’t know what exactly it is that he’s meant to fight for. 

Simon has to know Baz loves him, but Simon’s always been pretty dense. He wouldn’t be surprised if Simon still thinks Baz hates him.

He thinks back to the day on the couch, the feeling of Simon wrapped around him. Simon was so warm, the blanket cocooned around them. Simon was protecting him from the world, just like he always has. Ever since Watford they’ve protected each other, both so fragile. Baz doesn’t know how he’s living without Simon, without a source of warmth. He’s just so cold, and kissing is so much better than fighting.

Baz can’t look back at Simon, mostly because he doesn’t know what he’d do if Simon was looking back. He scans the plane again for his boys, seeing Dev and Niall a few seats up, both of them watching some movie. Baz can't tell what the movie is, but they’re sharing a pair of earbuds and Niall is so close to Dev they’re practically on top of each other. Baz would’ve shoved Niall by now (Niall’s always been far too clingy for him) but he knows Dev doesn’t have the heart to. And he’s still pretty sure Dev’s in love with Niall. Although Dev looks fully immersed in the movie, his raven black hair cascading in front of his pale eyes, Niall isn’t even watching, just staring at him, a subtle blush spread across his cheeks.

It’s just so domestic and it’s just the thing he used to do with Simon, so forces himself to turn away.

PenAndPaper: lol  
PenAndPaper: are niall and dev dating?  
Bazzy: No.  
PenAndPaper: not to be intrusive  
PenAndPaper: but they have to be fucking right  
Bazzy: Way to be subtle, Pen.  
PenAndPaper: i aim for authenticity not subtly baz  
Bazzy: So you authentically are wondering if they’re fucking?  
Bazzy: What an authentically Penny thought.  
PenAndPaper: shut up  
PenAndPaper: ur just being mean bc u wish u had what dev and niall have  
Bazzy: Again, so subtle.  
Bazzy: And as I said, there’s nothing between Dev and Niall.  
PenAndPaper: baz, theyre literally on top of each other  
PenAndPaper: and i saw them kissing earlier  
Bazzy: WHAT?  
Bazzy: NIALL’S GAY AND DIDN’T TELL ME?  
Bazzy: I’M LITERALLY GAY HE HAS TO TELL ME!  
Bazzy: PEN, IT’S THE GAY CODE!  
PenAndPaper: even when ur panicking u use punctuation its sad  
Bazzy: Even in moments of great strife I will not devolve to the peasantry. I have standards, Bunce.  
Bazzy: BUT DENIALL HAS SAILED?  
PenAndPaper: no no no  
PenAndPaper: dev seemed upset  
Bazzy: Wait, explain.  
PenAndPaper: so dev was crying bc planes and niall was panicking about dev crying  
PenAndPaper: so he kissed him to like get him to shut up  
PenAndPaper: but dev like pulled away and got mad  
PenAndPaper: i guess theyre fine now  
Bazzy: Dev forgives easily.  
PenAndPaper: u dont  
Bazzy: Pen, this isn’t about me.  
PenAndPaper: yeah yeah fine  
PenAndPaper: but forgiveness seems to be working out for dev and niall  
PenAndPaper: maybe it would work out for u  
Bazzy: Forgiveness is kind of fake though.  
PenAndPaper: how  
Bazzy: Dev just gives up.  
Bazzy: Honestly, forgiveness feels like giving up.  
PenAndPaper: forgiveness is hard  
Bazzy: Remembering is harder.  
PenAndPaper: baz, forgiveness isn’t forgetting  
Bazzy: No, you’re right, forgiveness is ignoring.  
PenAndPaper: ur impossible  
Bazzy: *improbable  
PenAndPaper: case and point  
PenAndPaper: ily tho bazzy  
Bazzy: If you call me that again I will not hesitate to come over there and throw you out of the plane.  
PenAndPaper: u wouldnt  
PenAndPaper: simons next to me and u like avoiding ur problems  
Bazzy: No, my problems just always seem to like avoiding me.  
PenAndPaper: lol  
Bazzy: I guess not all of them.  
Bazzy: Because you’re definitely a problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol i kno this kinda sucks and its unedited so sorry (I HAVE NO REGRETSSSSSS :P)
> 
> if u have any suggestions (for story-lines or anything) id love to hear them! ilyyy


	7. Sleepover Cuddles

“Heya, Dev?” Niall’s looking at him, his sweeping of soft brown freckles muted by a light pink blush. His fire orange hair is flying all over the place, illuminated by the light flooding through the small plane window. Niall has it cut short on the sides but it’s still so fluffy on top. Keeping his eyes resting on Dev, Niall messes with his hair, leaving it even more wild and even more fluffy. Dev absentmindedly reaches over and cards his hand through it, and before he can think better of it and pull away (he knows he should stop, but it’s Niall, and friends do this all the time) Niall pushes his head against Dev’s hand, nuzzling him with that fluffy part that Dev loves so much and letting Dev know that this is okay. Dev takes a deep breath. This is okay. 

They’re still on the plane, and Dev still has that squeezing feeling in the pit of his stomach because he’s heard (no actually Niall told him) that most plane accidents happen during takeoff and landing, and landing is coming up, but he just concentrates on the feeling of Niall pressed against him and on the feeling of his hands gently running through his best friend’s hair. “Yeah, Niall,” Dev asks quietly, after a minute.

Niall’s light brown eyes blink open, and Dev can’t help but look at how long his eyelashes are and how much they remind him of wings. He doesn’t think Niall would like being compared to a butterfly so he keeps quiet, but they really are beautiful.

“Okay. So Plan Snowbaz.”

“Plan Snowbaz?”

“Snow because Simon Snow and Baz because… well Baz because Baz. It has a nice ring to it, right?”

“Sure Ni.” Snowbaz does have a nice ring to it, even if Baz’ll kill them for not using his last name (it’s his legacy or something like that), and anyways Baz won’t find out, unless the plan succeeds. And if the plan succeeds, Dev knows that Baz’ll be too happy to plot murder. Thinking about it, Baz might have infinite capability of murder plotting…

“You know how we’re like landing in New York? And you know how we have to travel like super far to get to California? Well, I was thinking, and I thought that we must have to stop along the way, like you know, for sleeping.” Niall looks so horribly proud of himself, but Dev honestly has no idea what he’s talking about. “Okay, get ready for this, we only get two rooms.”

“What?”

“Wait for it wait for it! You haven’t heard the best part! We get two single bed rooms! It’ll be like one of those bed sharing fanfics that Baz always mocks!”

“Um, Ni, there’s five of us. Me, you, Penny, Baz, and Simon. Why can’t we just get four beds? Simon and Baz’ll still have to sleep together.”

“You’re forgetting one thing, my dear Dev, and that one thing is your devious cousin. Baz will never agree to sharing with Simon, never never. If we get four beds, I promise you, Baz will manage to get one of them. He’d kill one of us if he had to.”

“So why two?”

“Yeah, yeah, I was getting there. I’ve done some calculations.” Niall pulls out a sheet of paper with a few blue pen scribbles on it. It’s kind of adorable how much work Niall’s put into this (adorable in a friend sort of way). “Three people can fit in a bed. So that’s you, me, and Penny in one bed, and Snowbaz in the other! Baz couldn’t join us if he wanted to!”

Dev wants to point out that the number of instances Baz hasn’t taken what he wants is zero (ignoring Simon), and that besides, Baz could just kick one of them out, but Niall just seems so proud and Dev doesn’t want to be the person to ruin it for him. 

“Okay. We can do that.”

“And guess what, Dev? For me, you and Penny, it’ll be like a sleepover!”

“We share a flat? Isn’t that like a sleepover every night?”

“Yeah but we don’t sleep in the same bed at our flat.” Dev rolls his eyes. More than half of the time they fall asleep on the couch together anyways. Niall continues, his voice slightly quieter, “And at home, we don’t get to cuddle. Cuddles are required for sleepovers.” Dev looks at Niall, who looks so small, curled into the small plane seat, and wraps his arms around Niall’s hoodie. 

“Ni, we always cuddle.”

“Yeah. I know. But it’s sleepover cuddling. Sleepover cuddling is different.” Dev sighs into Niall’s hair. Anyway, it’s not like he doesn’t want to sleepover cuddle. He always wants to cuddle with his best friend. “And anyways, Penny will be there. It’s not a sleepover if it’s just me and you.” Dev wants to ask what’s wrong with it just being him and Niall, but instead he lets go of Niall and nods. Niall reaches out and wraps Dev’s arms back around him, whispering, “If it’s just me and you, it’s better than a sleepover.”

~~~~~~(Penny’s perspective)~~~~~~

Simon’s being annoying. He just can’t seem to stop fidgeting and Penny can hardly stand it. He’s always been fidgety, but this, this constant shifting and turning and constant flow of questions is almost unbearable. Penny can hardly get through a line in her book before Simon’s leaning over her and looking down the aisle for Baz.

“Simon, you have to stop. Baz isn’t going to turn around.”

“I don’t want him to.”

“Fine. You do need to stop looking at him, though.”

Simon crosses his arms and pouts. “I wasn’t looking at Baz.”

“Then what, pray tell, were you looking at?”

“I was looking for a flight attendant. I wanted some water.”

“And you just happened to think that there was a flight attendant with Baz?”

“Penny, he’s the poshest and most arrogant twat on this plane. If anyone would be complaining to a flight attendant it would be Baz.” He’s got a point, Penny has to admit. A moment of silence passes, and Penny thinks that finally she’ll be able to finish just this one page. But the second she looks away from Simon and back to her book, he’s started up again. “Why would I even want to look at Baz? Pen, do you think he saw me looking at him? Bloody hell, Penny! He just looked at us!”

Penny glares at Simon. “No Simon, he wasn’t looking at us. He was looking for a flight attendant.”

“But there’s no flight attendant around us.”

“Exactly, Simon. Exactly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIIIIII


	8. A New Form of Torture: Russian Folk

~~~~~~(Penny’s perspective)~~~~~~

At this point, Penny’s done with all of them. She’s done with whatever this immature feud between Baz and Simon is, and she’s done with Niall and Dev for being so confusing. If she liked someone (which she doesn’t, she broke up with Micah a year ago), she’s sure that she would just tell them. That’s the logical thing to do. 

Maybe that’s why Aggie left, because of all this emotional nonsense. She’s never really understood Aggie though, but then again, maybe _that’s_ why Aggie left. Because no one really understood her. They still keep in touch, of course, and Penny gets to see pictures of Agatha, with her arms out and long blond hair twirling in drifting breezes, always on the tips of her toes in one of those light airy sundresses that she likes (Penny still doesn’t understand how Aggie always looks so angelic). But pictures are so different then the real thing, because pictures don’t show the quiet laugh or the wobble and collapse after the click of the camera. That’s always been Penny’s favorite part, the part that comes after the picture, when everything falls down out of the sky and when Aggie isn’t trying to be so perfect.

Penny supposes that California does make sense for Agatha. Everything is so warm and sunny and bright and Aggie has always been so warm and sunny and bright, but Penny can’t help but wonder if Aggie moved away because of them. Because of her. Aggie always tells her that she’s just finding herself and exploring her identity, but why can’t she do that back in England? Back with Penny?

Every Saturday they Skype and they text almost every day. When Agatha says goodbye, Penny always responds with “Come back home” but over the months, home sounds less and less like home. Penny has always assumed that home was in England, with her and Simon. Home has always been with her and Simon, but suddenly, it feels like Agatha may not agree. 

It’s not like Penny can’t deal with change, it’s just that this change feels different then all the other changes. She can’t lose Agatha. Losing Aggie would be like accepting that the best days of her life are over. Losing Aggie would mean that… well, Penny won’t lose her. That’s why they’re flying out to California.

They’re off the plane, and Penny sends Aggie a video of Baz ranting about Starbucks prices. She captions it with “What do you call Baz and coffee? A bitter depresso.” It’s not her best work and she wishes she could delete it right after she presses send. Bloody hell, that’s something Simon would say, and she can’t be devolving into the sad mop of curls currently hanging off of her arm.

~~~~~~(at the car)~~~~~~

They’ve rented a car; Penny doesn’t know the model (and she doesn’t care) but it’s in the most hideous green she’s ever seen. Baz seems to agree, as he’s yelling at Niall to go in and get it switched. Simon is leaning against the back of the car with her, and she’s just so tired and honestly she’s fine with the army green car.

“Baz, can you just shut up and get in the car?”

Baz turns away from Niall, who seems just as set on the car as he was ten minutes ago before Baz started yelling, and faces Penny. “I can’t. I physically can’t get into that car! I’m a Pitch! We have certain standards!”

Niall smiles cheekily. “Mmmm. So Simon is up to the Pitch standards?”

Penny looks over at Simon, who’s splayed out on the pavement half-asleep, but Baz keeps his gaze on Penny. “That’s it. I’m done. I’m not getting in a car with him.”

Penny sighs, grabbing Simon’s hand and tries to pull him up with no luck. “Could you be any less mature?”

“Yes.” He shoves Niall to the ground, smiling at Penny. “Happy now?”

Penny forces herself to smile back. “I’m going to get in that car with Niall. If you don’t want to join us, that’s fine.”

Niall pushes himself off the ground and walks over to grab Dev’s hand. “Dev’s coming with us, right Dev?” Dev looks anxiously between Baz and Niall, and then looks down at where Niall’s hand is covering him.

“Um, yeah, I guess,” he says, looking apologetically at Baz. Niall smiles proudly at Baz and opens the door for Dev, letting go of his hand and walking around to the driver's seat. Penny wanted shotgun, but she’s not going to complain. As soon Penny hops into the backseat, Niall gets in and starts up the car, ignoring Baz’s death glares. Penny feels bad for leaving Simon who’s still asleep on the ground, but she can’t deal with Baz right now and anyways, maybe all they need (Simon and Baz, that is) is some time together. She can’t convince herself that it’s true, and really, she doesn’t know if Baz will even take Simon. He has to, though. 

~~~~~~(later)~~~~~~

They’ve been listening to Russian Folk songs for the past twenty minutes, and Penny’s ready to strangle Niall. Is this what Baz has to deal with every day? If so, no wonder he’s so awful; this sort of endless torture could turn anyone to the dark side. Dev’s fallen asleep, and she feels like poking him so at least he doesn’t have to endure this torture alone. 

Niall must think he’s so funny because he’s been laughing for the last ten minutes straight, and Penny just wants to wipe that grin off his face. Her thoughts have quickly shifted from Simon (and his very real form of torture, a road trip with angry Baz) to fervent praying that Niall’s only brought one CD.

“Niall, I appreciate the music, very cultured, but it sucks and I hate it.”

“Penny, that’s my culture you’re talking about.”

“We all know that you’re Irish, Niall.”

“Um, this specific Russian Folk band is from Ireland, so…”

“Wait, there’s more than one Russian Folk band?” 

“Yep! If you have any requests, I have 51 bands that you can choose from!” He pulls out a stack of CDs, and Penny swears, his laugh must be the laugh of the devil. Penny knows what she has to do.

“That’s actually really interesting! I’ve been doing a cultural studies project studying musical diversity back at university, and I think that the preservation and promulgation of traditional folk music as a democratic art is fascinating! Would you mind if I looked through your CDs?” Niall looks at her confusedly, but passes back the CDs.

The second Penny gets her hands on them, she turns and chucks them out the window (which she had already rolled down, because she isn’t an idiot). “Bloody hell. All of that cultural history, destroyed in seconds. What a tragedy.”


	9. The Vampire Always Wins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Would you guys rather me post longer chapters (but less often) or is this fine? I really don't know? ily lol

~~~~~~(still Penny’s perspective because she is queen and I love her)~~~~~~

Penny is sprawled across the small backseat, her aqua hair (yes, she’s changed it) falling across her face, her head against the window, and The Clash turned up to max volume. Niall’s pouting in the front, but Penny has her eyes closed and the music loud enough to drown out his complaints so she’s content, and somehow Dev has managed to sleep through it all, so he’s fine too. They’re only a bit over four hours into this madness, and Penny’s biggest worry is that Niall will stop somewhere with internet connection and download more Russian Folk (although Niall says that downloading would basically be deformation of culture).

“When are we going to get there?” She looks up to the front and sees Dev slowly blinking his eyes open and stretching.

“As soon as you shut up and stop whining,” Niall snaps. 

“Ignore Niall, he’s just upset that we can’t listen to his Russian Folk.”

“Oh god oh god not the Russian Folk!” Dev starts to panic.

“Don’t worry, Dev, the threat has been neutralized.” 

Dev relaxes into his seat and Niall glares at them and starts into what Penny supposes will be a rant. “Did you know that-”

“Russian Folk sucks? Oh, what a coincidence, I did know that. First hand knowledge.”

“Penny, can you just-”

“Keep being so absolutely wonderful? Of course!”

“I hate-”

“Russian Folk? Me too.”

Niall groans. “Whatever. But seriously, Pen, me and Dev-”

“Dev and I.”

“Yeah. So me and Dev were thinking and we thought that we should share a room. Like Dev, you, and me in the same room.” Penny almost recoils in horror, but Niall presses on. “Pen, I know it sucks, I don’t want to do it anymore then you-”

“Ni, you and Dev are practically dating. Don’t try and tell me you two wouldn’t share a room anyway.”

Niall ignores her. She knows he can’t deny it. “Okay. Penny, we’re not doing this for ourselves-”

“Clearly.”

“Penny, I’m serious. Stop interrupting me.” Penny grins at him as a response. “Anyway, so this is all for Snowbaz.”

Dev shifts in his seat to look back at Penny. “That’s Simon and Baz.”

Niall nods. “Snow because Simon Snow and Baz because Baz. Okay, so as I explained to Dev, we book two rooms, each with one bed, and us three claim one. Baz and Simon will have to sleep together - no Pen, ew, not like that - and then they’ll be like boyfriends again!”

Penny can’t help but roll her eyes. “Niall, it’s not that easy.”

“Yeah, it is. They just go ‘oh turns out I’m in love with you’ ‘oh same’ and then it’s all fixed.”

“Okay, first of all, take your own advice. And anyways, can you even imagine Baz saying ‘oh I’m in love with you’?”

“I was imagining him being the ‘oh same’ one, but whatever.”

“This is never going to work.”

“But you’re in?”

“Yeah.”

~~~~~~(a few hours later)~~~~~~

Penny doesn’t hear Baz when he walks in. She’s in a small hotel room with Dev and Niall, splayed out on the armchair, her legs hanging off of the arm, and she still hasn’t bothered to take off her boots. She’s put on one of Dev’s blue sweaters (no she didn’t ask, and no she doesn’t care), and it’s the itchy kind that she hates, but it’s cold in the room and Penny hates being cold. Holding watered down warm tea in one hand and Pride and Prejudice in the other, Penny’s ready for this day to be over. 

Both Dev and Niall are collapsed on the bed and Penny’s planning on just taking the couch. She loves them but Niall’s basically wrapped around Dev, and Penny just doesn’t want to be that close to a Russian Folk lover. Dev obviously doesn’t care, as he doesn’t move away when Niall wraps his arms around him and rests his head on Dev’s shoulder. Niall mumbles something and scoots even closer to Dev.

It’s just as Dev shifts to face Niall that they hear Baz. Penny jumps up, her tea forgotten, and rushes to open the door. Baz bursts in, looking a complete mess and Simon follows, still half asleep.

“Penny, where are the bloody keys to my room?”

Niall lifts his head off Dev just long enough to say: “Sorry Bazzy, but you’ll have to go with Si. Penny, Dev, and me-”

“Penny, Dev, and I,” Penny corrects.

“Yeah, Penny, Dev, and me are taking this room so…”

Baz practically snarls, “I am not sharing a room with Snow. Niall, Dev, get off my bed.”

Niall rolls over. “No.”

“I just had to suffer through four bloody hours with him-”

“Baz, you were roommates for years. A few more hours will be fine.”

“Pitches do not settle for ‘fine’, Niall. I wouldn’t expect you to understand, it can be hard for people born into mediocrity. And Snow is anything but ‘fine’. ‘Fine’ implies mentally stable, and Snow has been bloody humming like an insane man for the past two hours.” Baz tilts his head condescending, “Snow, you can’t hum for an audience? Stage fright?” Simon’s clearly not listening, looking so small, with his eyes closed and his arms wrapped around himself.

Penny closes her eyes. She’s just so tired and she can’t deal with Baz right now. She knows that there’s no way that he’s leaving with Simon. “Si, you can just stay with us.” She tosses the keys to the sulking vampire, “You win, Baz.” Baz catches the keys and storms out of the room, leaving a confused Simon in his wake. Simon just shrugs and lays down on the chair Penny was sitting on. Penny walks over to the bed, but Niall doesn’t scoot over, and whatever, that’s fine. Penny knew this was a horrible plan and she knew that she’d be the one paying for it, so she supposes this is all kind of her fault. She’s supposed to be the responsible one. Simon isn’t responsible for anything, and she hates to agree with Baz, but Simon really hasn’t been stable since the breakup. Niall’s the one who thought of this stupid plan, and Dev never corrects Niall. Yes, she’s supposed to be the responsible one.

“I guess I’ll just sleep in the bathtub.”


	10. How to Deal with Deniall

~~~~~~(Dev’s perspective)~~~~~~  
~~~~~~(the following night)~~~~~~

Dusk is Dev’s favorite time, that time when the sky seems so indecisive, as if the sun doesn’t know where it’s going or which way the Earth is spinning. The sun is streaking across the sk, leaving soft golden-tainted pastel ribbons, and Dev thinks that if the sun really is lost, it has to be lost in a beautiful way. Dev likes to think that the sun, something that seems so constant and true, might be just as lost as he is, roaming the expansive void of the universe. He likes to think that maybe the sun might not know what the hell it’s doing either.

He’s lying in bed, just staring up at the ceiling and wondering where his place in the universe might be, and if he really even has a place at all. Everyone else went to go find some bar or something, but Dev said he was tired and wanted to stay in the hotel room. And that’s true, he was tired. He’s just tired of being confused, and yes, that’s probably just a human thing, this confusion, but he’s still tired of it. He’s not just confused about Niall (and he is really confused about Niall) but he’s also confused about why Penny ever thought that this was a good idea, and he’s confused about why he ever agreed to it.

Actually, he knows why he agreed. He agreed because Niall asked him. And he can’t say no to Niall. He hates himself, hates that he can’t just get over the stupid kiss. Niall’s just making it so difficult. He has no problem with Niall being straight, and actually, if Niall were to just say that he was everything would be so much easier. The problem is that Niall can’t say it. Niall’s just so comfortable with his sexuality. He’s one of those straight boys who kisses other boys without knowing that he’s destroying them. Niall doesn’t know that the kisses mean something to Dev, doesn’t know that they mean everything to Dev. He supposes that it’s his fault. He knows that he shouldn’t fall for his best friend, especially when his best friend is straight, but Dev is a romantic and Niall is just so perfect.

Dev buries his head into the pillow and tries to fall asleep, the steady whirring of the fan doing nothing to help him relax.

He’s almost asleep when he hears someone banging at the door so he decides not to get up and open it. It’s probably Penny and he’s upset with Penny for inviting him on this bloody trip. Just as he closes his eyes again, the person knocks again.

“Dev?” It’s Niall. He’s crying. This is exactly why Dev decided to stay in the hotel room. He gets up and opens the door for Niall, who rushes into his arms, tears still spilling from his eyes. He drags Dev over to the bed, crashing them both down, his hand intertwined with Dev’s. He doesn’t seem to be completely drunk, but he’s a bit tipsy and he’s not even trying to hide it.

“Hey, Ni.”

“Hey,” Niall whispers through his tears.

They just lie there for a few minutes, Niall crying and holding Dev’s hand. Eventually Dev gently pulls his hand away and turns to face Niall. Niall grabs his hand back and buries his head into Dev’s chest. Dev doesn’t pull away this time and just wraps his arms around him, feeling how warm and soft he is. They just lay there, the fan whirring at the same pace as Dev’s mind. Niall’s always been emotional, but seeing the tears stream down his rosy cheeks still destroys him. 

Half an hour later, when Dev’s on the verge of sleep Niall starts speaking, almost so quiet that he can hardly hear it.

“I know that you’re going to hate me.”

Dev laughs, but it comes out so sad and distorted it seems like a sob. “Ni, I could never hate you.”

“I’m pathetic.”

“No. Niall, you are anything but pathetic.” Dev swears that he can see a light blush spread across Niall’s cheeks in the strip of light falling in through the window. He waits a moment and continues. “What happened?”

“I just… Dev, you’ll hate me.”

“No. I promise I won’t.” He links his pinky around Niall’s.

“So, we were at the bar, Simon, Baz, Penny, and me, and um… They like left me…”

“Wait, Pen left you?”

“Yeah. I was kinda drunk.”

Dev frowns. “You were drunk and she just left you?”

Niall smiles slightly and pushes his head into Dev’s arm. “Dev, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“You’re still crying, Ni. This is not fine. I’ll talk to Pen about it.”

“You don’t need to protect me.”

“I clearly do.”

“Shut up.” He bumps his head against Dev again and Dev feels like maybe everything really is okay. But then Niall frowns and continues, slightly quieter. “So um… They like left me alone and I was drunk and um… like um I was kissing this guy-”

Dev pulls his arm out from under him and pushes himself up onto his forearm, leaning over Niall. “Wait, Ni, did he force you to kiss him?”

Niall’s eyes widen, “No! God no! Dev, I’m fine, seriously.”

“We’re best friends, you know that. If you’re not fine, you can tell me. You’re crying, Niall.”

Niall stops crying to laugh. “Maybe I’m just not bogged down by toxic masculinity. Societal norms shouldn’t stop me from expressing my emotions! I’m just trying to normalize sensitivity in men, and I feel like you’re not being supportive.”

He smiles up at Dev, but Dev isn’t smiling back. “Niall, don’t change the subject. Did he force you to kiss him?” 

“No! I wanted to, I swear! I was the one who started the kiss!”

Of course. Of course Niall was the one who started it. Dev loves Niall, but Niall always gets himself into these situations. He has no self-control, and again, Dev loves him, but he doesn’t always think of the consequences. Dev doesn’t actually know if Niall sees how much power he has over other people. He doesn’t know how to explain the crying, but maybe Niall realized how much pain he causes with his kisses. “Why? Why did you kiss some random guy you found in a bar?”

“I just wanted to know.”

“You wanted to know what it would be like?”

“Um, sort of.”

“What?”

“I wanted to know if it’s just you.”

“Oh. Wait what?”

“Well, I just wanted to know if I’m gay or if it’s just you.”

“Oh.” Niall shifts closer to Dev and Dev can feel his gentle breath against his neck.

“It’s just you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo :P 
> 
> I have finals D: so I can't post as much sorry! 
> 
> Calc BC is honestly stabbing me repeatedly in the heart lol (I LOVE MATH THO FIGHT ME I WILL PROTECT ANALYTIC CONTINUATION sorry math just makes me emotional)
> 
> ilyyyy <3


	11. Birthday Cake and Bread

~~~~~~(Dev's perspective)~~~~~~

Dev has to force himself to pull away when Niall tilts his head up, gently brushing his nose against Dev’s. It’s so soft and so unlike Niall, and Niall’s still blushing with that beautiful rosy pink, but Dev still manages to pull away. “Niall, this isn’t a game.”

“Yeah. It’s not.”

“And Ni, it’s okay to be unsure about your sexuality. It really is. But experimentation is kinda something you maybe do with your straight best friend.” (And your best friend who hasn’t been in love with you for the past five years.)

“Maybe I just want to make out with my gay best friend because I’m not straight and he’s hot.”

“Ni, this isn’t funny. You can’t just say that you’re not straight!”

“But I’m not!”

“Merlin and Morgana, Niall!”

“Boys are hot. Wow. I just feel so enlightened,” Niall deadpans. “Can we make out now?”

“No! No. Being gay isn’t just about thinking boys are hot.”

“Isn’t that like exactly what being gay is? Thinking boys are hot and making out with them?”

“I spent years in the closet! You can’t just come out and say you want to kiss me! That’s not how being gay works!” Dev can feel himself getting frustrated. It’s just not fair that Niall feels so sure of himself when he’s spent so long being unsure. And Niall isn’t gay. He can’t be. He just wants to make out with someone because he’s Niall and because he seems so intent on destroying Dev. It’s not going to work, though. Dev’s not going to kiss him. “You’re just drunk and confused, Ni.”

Niall gets up and starts walking to the door. “Stop telling me what I am. I never said that I was gay, or straight, or whatever you think I am. You don’t have to kiss me, Dev. Whatever. But you can’t tell me that I’m just drunk and confused. If I was wearing bloody pink nail polish I bet we would be shagging, so you need to shut up and stop saying that you know what I am.”

As Niall’s tugging on his shoes (pastel pink converse), Dev moves over to him and grabs his arm. “Wait, Ni, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Sorry sorry sorry-”

“Dev?”

“Yeah?”

“Will you kiss me?”

The boy sitting on the floor looks so adorable, Dev thinks, with his freckled arms and long legs leading to those pastel pink converse Dev loves so much. His red hair interwoven with sunset gold and a dusting of even more freckles on his cheeks, Dev just really wants to kiss him. So he does.

He sits in between Niall’s outstretched legs and Niall folds them open further, his converse now forgotten and the laces untied, making room for Dev. It’s Niall who leans in first (it’s always Niall), slotting their mouths together in this perfect way where their noses bump and Niall’s long long eyelashes are almost touching Dev’s cheek. Niall tastes like birthday cake lipgloss, like the one Dev bought with him last week just because Niall wanted to taste it and compare it with the real thing. Dev can confirm: it tastes just like the real thing.

Niall’s hands are wrapped up in Dev’s thick hair and he’s tugging in a way that just feels so nice and Dev can feel himself melting against Niall’s lips. As he pushes against Niall and crawls onto his lap, he feels Niall’s tongue licking into his mouth and can’t help but moan. 

With his hands still tangled in Dev’s hair, Niall gently pulls away, laughing. “Dev, you’re so hot.”

He can feel a blush rising on his cheeks, but he laughs too. “You taste like birthday cake.”

“You taste like toast.”

“I didn’t even eat toast today! Besides, toast is basically flavorless!”

Niall pokes Dev’s cheek. “I love toast.”

“Am I at least like buttered toast?”

“Nah. Definitely plain. I can’t decide if it’s whole wheat or white though…”

He’s still laughing so Dev shoves him and he falls back against the floor (it’s carpeted, so it’s fine) with Dev still sitting in his lap, practically straddling him.

Niall stops laughing and shifts, moaning softly. “So hot…”

Dev ignores him (it’s so hard to ignore Niall, but he will not let toast destroy his dignity) “So I’m like warm toast though?”

There’s a moment of silence, Niall clearly considering it. “You’re that toast that people wrap in aluminum foil and take to in a purse to work.”

“I’m not going to kiss you if you keep comparing me to soggy bread.”

“No no no! You can be warm toast! Hell, you can be any kind of toast!”

“Avocado toast?”

“I just feel like avocado toast is too… too green for you.” Dev starts to stand up. “Wait wait wait! Avocado toast is perfect for you!”

“Yeah.”

“Hey, Dev?”

“Niall?”

“About that kiss…”

Dev laughs, but he leans over the blushing boy, his arms bracketing Niall’s head and his legs still straddling Niall’s longer ones. He holds his face right above Niall’s, so their noses are just brushing and he can see the golden flecks in Niall’s eyes (he’s stopped spelling them that horrible blue), but when Niall presses his lips to Dev’s he can’t help collapsing.

He tries to push himself up but Niall starts whining and Dev just can’t.

~~~~~~(a while later)~~~~~~

Penny and Simon aren’t back yet, but Niall’s sitting up, his back against the wall and Dev facing him in his lap.

“Niall, I really am sorry, though.”

“It’s okay. I just don’t get it. I never said I was straight.”

“Yeah, but you never said you were gay either.”

“I’m still not saying I’m gay.”

“Yeah, but you kissed me.”

“Kissing you means I think you’re hot, not that I’m gay. I’m pan.”

“Ni, you know what I mean.”

“Yeah. But Dev, I’ve called you hot before.”

Dev blushes and buries his face into Niall. “In a platonic bro way.”

Niall laughs. “We kissed in a bathroom. Was that a platonic bro kiss?”

Dev grabs Niall’s phone and opens the messaging app. “Niall, look. You literally said, and I quote, ‘he was hot, like objectively, not in a gay way.’ Oh, and look up here, you say, ‘Baz, I’m not gay though.’”

“Yeah but we all knew I thought you were hot in a gay way. See, Baz knew.”

“I didn’t know.”

“And I wasn’t gay. I’m pan.”

“Whatever. You’re just obsessed with bread. Pan, toast, whatever.”

“I like bread! No need to judge!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh i kinda hate this but there's no going back nowwww i'm in too deep
> 
> leave comments they give me life ilyyyy


	12. Smol Fava Bean

“Baz, where’s Niall?” Penny doesn’t actually care, she’s too busy looking for a taxi, but she asks anyway. Direct questions seem to be the only way to get Baz to talk.

“I don’t know.”

Penny doesn’t immediately respond and instead just nods calmly. She’s a bit tipsy but none of them have really had that much. Even so, she feels a bit dizzy and she really just wants to go home, back to the hotel. At this point, she doesn’t even need the hotel; she’s willing to sleep anywhere. 

Baz is upset, but that’s not new. He’s been moping around ever since she saw him in the airport and she thinks he needs to just get over it. She knew that Baz would have a hard time around Simon, but she thought that Baz would’ve been able to act maturely.

“Baz, stop being like that.”

“Like what, Penny? Like I’m miserable and stuck in hell with bloody Trump lovers and my ex-boyfriend who can’t look at me for more than a second? If you’re expecting me to say ‘yeehaw’-”

“Baz, you’re on an adventure with your best friends!” The chaos and tragedy of American politics does rival that of England, Penny will admit, and Simon’s attitude is almost as tragic as Baz’s, but Penny loves the feeling of wind in her hair as they tear down interstates (she never did that in England), and the soft embrace of the sun is giving her a warmth that she doesn’t want to give up. Before America, she never got to see streaks of light cresting over endless fields of pale yellow stalks. Spending hours indoors with Simon has been great, but she needed a change. They all needed a change. 

Baz is talking again. “Oh, sorry Pen. I didn’t know that my best friends had come. Where are they, again?”

She needs to take a different approach. Leaning against Simon, she wraps her arm around Baz’s shoulder. “You may pretend that you don’t care, but I know that deep down you love us Bazzy!”

“If you call me Bazzy one more time I swear I will not hesitate to throw you in front of a car.”

“Bazzy,” she emphasizes, “you couldn’t throw me if you tried. You’re just a smol string bean!” Okay, maybe she’s a little more tipsy then she thought.

“I am not a string bean!”

Simon, the bloody nightmare himself, chooses this moment to speak up. “Pen, really, he’s more of a fava bean.”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Baz proclaims, chest puffed as if he has a say in what sort of bean he qualifies as.

When Penny sees Simon’s eyes light up, she knows a mistake has been made. “You’re like a fava bean because I like you undressed!”

Merlin and Morgana, Penny knows she shouldn’t, but she can’t help but sit down on the curb and start laughing. A few seconds later, through tears, Penny feels Simon crash down next to her, and they just sit there, laughing into eachothers shoulders like they did when they were still at Watford. 

“You’re a bloody moron, Snow. Fava beans are disgusting without seasoning. And if I’m a flavorless naked fava bean, you’re a slice of soggy bread.”

Simon stops laughing to look up at him. “You might say that I’m white and wet.” He winks, and Penny is almost proud of him, but then he turns to her and whispers, “and whole grain,” and she finds herself questioning his sanity. 

The lamp illuminating his silhouette, Baz stands silent for a moment, but then Penny can see the vague shadow of a smile cross his face, and he too settles down on the other side of her, laughing. She wraps them both up in a hug. “Yep. This is definitely going to be a chapter in my autobiography. I’ll call it: American Adventures with Penny and Friends.”

“Penny and Best Friends,” Simon whispers, and Baz doesn’t correct him.

~~~~~~(a few hours later, back at the hotel)~~~~~~

Baz walks in his room to find Dev and Niall curled up on his bed, Niall’s arms engulfing Dev’s small frame. He’s about to shake them awake, but it’s kind of adorable how Niall’s pressing his face into Dev’s hair, and he’s still happy-drunk, so he just turns off the light and slips back to Penny and Simon.

~~~~~~(back at Simon and Penny’s room)~~~~~~

“Not that we don’t love you, Baz, but why are you in our room?”

“Dev and Niall are sleeping together.”

Penny and Simon both look at him, their eyes wide. “I am so so so sorry you had to walk in on that,” Penny says, fixing Simon with a glare when he asks, “Was it hot?”

“No! I mean, no, they were just cuddling on my bed! And Simon, he’s my cousin!”

Simon shrugs, flopping back down on his pillow. Penny loves them like this. She loves seeing flustered Baz with his walls down and Simon so peaceful and calm. “Just stay here. We don’t mind, right Si?”

“Yeah. Just stay here,” he repeats back, his eyes fluttering shut. Careful not to disturb Simon, Baz crawls onto the bed on the other side of Penny, who’s back to reading her book. “Baz?”

“Yeah, Snow?”

“My name’s Simon.”

“Okay, Simon.”

“Can you come over here with me?” He sounds so small and it reminds Baz of the Simon who used to lay wrapped up in blankets, so he climbs over Penny when she shifts over. He doesn’t know what Simon wants, so he turns around to face away from him. “I didn’t ask you to come over so you could keep ignoring me.”

“Why did you ask me to come over, then?” There’s that hidden question of ‘what did you ever want from me’ that’s threatening to spill from his lips, but he stops himself.

Simon pauses for a moment. “Will you maybe cuddle? Just a little? I love cuddling.” ‘I love you’, Baz wants to say, but again, he stops. Knowing he’s going to hate himself, he wraps his arms around Simon, feeling the weight of a warm body press against his side.

“I love cuddling too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's a little short and a lot late (and a lot unedited)! I've been busy D:
> 
> I love all of you who are commenting and leaving kudos; you all make my day <3
> 
> If anybody has any suggestions (or plot ideas you want incorporated) feel free to request anything!
> 
> ilyyyyy


	13. Penny in America

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i'm so sorry for the late update, and i know that its not much! i had planned to be updating more during the whole coronavirus lockdown thing, but i got stuck in a rabbithole of drarry fics (OHMYGODTHEYRESOAWESOME) 
> 
> if you have any ideas or want me to change or add something, please comment! i love comments and i love suggestions (i need inspiration lol :P)
> 
> you all are the best and i love you all <3

When Penny wakes up, the only light is coming from a slit between the window and curtain that lets in a faint strip of moonlight. She blinks slowly, trying to clear the sleepy haze from her eyes, only to find herself dizzy and not at all awake. It’s 1:00 in the morning, and she really should be buried beneath this mountain of blankets, not cold and tired, but no matter how much she wills her eyes to shut she can’t seem to let sleep wash over her.

Gazing around the room, she finds Simon wrapped around Baz, and as adorable as it is, she can’t help but to feel a stinging pain of jealousy whip through her. She supposes that she doesn’t deserve to be jealous, as she’s never really wanted someone to share the rest of her life with and Simon’s the only constant she’s ever needed. Feminists don’t have to be romantically independent, of course, and freedom doesn’t mean lack of connection and attachment, but she’s just never felt this alone before. Maybe it’s because she’s in a new place, because she’s in America. Maybe everyone feels alone in America. It’s just so big, and no matter how mundane and insignificant it seems, she can’t help but think that there are so many fields and so much empty space that it’s easy to get lost.

Letting her gaze drift back over to Simon, she sighs. Of all people, Simon deserves this. He’s always been the romantic one; she still remembers his obsession with ambiance and flowers and things that don’t concern her in the slightest. He deserves to be wrapped and around a warm body (or a cold one, in Baz’s case) even if Penny’s lying by herself.

She grabs her phone from the bedside table and swipes in her passcode, eyes resting on Agatha’s contact. She can’t help but wish Agatha was here beside her, because then maybe she wouldn’t feel so alone.

Pen: hi

Agatha responds immediately, and Penny can’t help but wonder if Aggie’s sitting in her room, staring up at the ceiling just like she is. A mirror image, half way across this giant expanse of fields.

Aggie: hey  
Pen: i miss you  
Aggie: yep  
Pen: simon and baz are snuggling  
Aggie: i wish i was with you  
Penny: i’m sure that we’re much better snugglers   
Penny: we would show them up  
Aggie: haha yeah  
Aggie: love you pen  
Penny: do you you ever feel  
Aggie: like a plastic bag  
Penny: i hate you  
Aggie: i’m offended but ok  
Aggie: i forgive you  
Aggie: katy perry will never forgive you  
Penny: no but really  
Penny: do you ever feel  
Aggie: feel so paper thin?  
Penny: aggggggggggg  
Aggie: atha is the best?  
Penny: i dont know any atha’s sorry  
Aggie: please tell me i don’t have to explain that joke  
Aggie: my self esteem really can’t take the hit

Penny muffles her laugh in her hand, not wanting to wake up the two boys next to her.

Penny: agathaaa  
Aggie: is great?  
Penny: hahahahahakhdkjshkajhfd  
Penny: i cant believe im a participant in keyboard smashing culture  
Aggie: this is definitely a low for you  
Penny: anyways  
Penny: do you miss us?

She knows that it’s not a fair question. How could Penny be missed when California is waiting? Penny will never compete with soft sandy beaches and white flowing dresses and endless blue only interrupted by a soft golden glow and sweeps of white. No matter how funny and intelligent Penny may be, she will never compete with California. Agatha has always been waiting for California, and she supposes that California’s always been waiting for Agatha. 

Her words leave an unspoken question of “will you come back” that she still can’t quite ask. No matter how many times she begs Agatha to come back, Agatha always laughs, and Penny’s never known what that laugh means. Again, she knows she’s not being fair. Maybe if she were stronger she would have dragged Simon to California with Agatha, and she could hear that airy laugh in person, not just over the phone. Maybe they all could have moved, Baz too. 

There’s still that niggling doubt though, that question of why Agatha moved. Maybe she moved to get away from them all. She never loved magic like they all do. Penny lives and breathes magic. She loves the way her magic strikes like sage and spice, and she loves the control she has with every breath. Magic is power for her in a way it never was for Agatha.

A ding of her phone brings her out of her head, and she looks at Agatha’s response.

Aggie: of course i miss you

Penny stares at the ceiling a bit before responding.

Penny: is it lonely in california  
Aggie: penny, its beautiful here

Penny can’t help but smile. Agatha fits right in.

Aggie: i miss you  
Penny: could me and simon stay  
Aggie: stay?  
Penny: if we dont want to leave  
Aggie: stay in california?  
Aggie: with me?  
Penny: yeah  
Aggie: penny  
Penny: nevermind  
Aggie: you and si are always welcome  
Penny: and baz?  
Penny: snowbaz is a package deal  
Aggie: baz is great  
Penny: if you define great ironically  
Aggie: penny! you love baz  
Penny: ironically  
Penny: actually tho  
Penny: isn’t it ironic  
Aggie: don’t cha think…  
Aggie: IT’S LIKE RAAAAAIN ON YOUR WEDDING DAY  
Aggie: IT’S A FREE RIDE WHEN YOUVE ALREADY PAID  
Penny: that song has always bothered me  
Penny: technically, that’s the wrong use of ironic  
Aggie: of course it is  
Penny: maybe thats what makes the song ironic  
Penny: you expect it to be about irony but its not  
Aggie: DONT STOP BELIEVIN  
Aggie: HOLD ON TO THAT FEEEELIN  
Penny: wait sorry im confused  
Penny: where was the seguey  
Aggie: oh i just wanted to sing that song  
Aggie: STREETLIGHTS, PEPOOOOOOOLE  
Aggie: LIVIN JUST TO FIND EMOTIONNNN  
Penny: ok goodnight  
Aggie: HIDIN SOMEWHERE IN THE NIGHTTTTTTTT

Penny sets her phone down on the bedside table and curls back down beneath the blankets. Somehow, even though she’s miles away from Agatha, she feels startlingly less alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! If you have any comments, suggestions, or questions, I would really appreciate it! :D Also, I still want to know if you guys like Deniall or if it's taking away from Snowbaz lol comment down below :DDD
> 
> I LOVE COMMENTS THEY GIVE ME LIFE AND INSPIRE ME TO WRITE FASTER LOLLLLL


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